"Kind" GMing and "Nice" GMing
Warning: This is a rant post. I don't have any great insight on the design or philosophy of RPGs (when do I ever lol), and any advice here is probably stuff you've already heard. But I've had this gremlin in my head and I decided one day to listen to some records and sketch it out, so here we are:
I've found that often in the pursuit of being or seeming "nice", I've forgotten entirely to be "kind". Here are some ways I've made this mistake at or around the game table.
Note: What I mean by "kindness" as a GM
My quick definition of a "kind" GM is a GM who puts forth their best efforts to do their part in delivering the intended experience of the game. The core tenets here (and the ones I violated that made me an Unkind GM) are honesty and reliability.
Note: What "honesty" and "reliability" mean
Just kidding, I'm not defining that shit too.
Dealing With Problem Players
This is the big one. I tanked a campaign I loved by being a non-committal fool over this. This is the most obvious thing in the world, but I feel compelled to say it anyways: If you notice the behavior of one player affecting another player or players's fun, help them to do something about it! Seth Skorkowsky has a great video on how you can do this, so I'll just let his video do the talking there.
Less obvious: I've seen a lot of GMs, and been the GM, who lets a player continue with a behavior that negatively effects them because they seem to be the only one bothered by it. It is not selfish to address the behavior, and remove them from your game if it cannot be resolved; it's an act that permits you to be generous. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. How do you expect to put your best foot forward at the table when you dread running the game?
If you're too afraid to rock the boat, or too "nice" to work towards solving problematic player behaviors, you are sacrificing everyone else's fun to enable that negative behavior. That isn't very kind!
Scheduling
I used to cancel session if one person couldn't make it to the table. I thought I was being nice! I hate feeling left out, and I didn't want anyone else to feel that way. When I did this, though, I was really just disrespecting the time and consideration of everyone who did free their evening, who may have been counting down the days of a real shitty week looking forward to this little bit of escapism. Also, while feeling left out really sucks, it also sucks to feel responsible for ruining everyone's night; I feel terrible when GMs cancel a game just because of me! Be kind, have a quorum.
Difficulty, Fudging, and Table Trust
I won't get into the weeds on dice fudging right now. What I do feel comfortable saying is that if you reach a consensus on dice fudging, do not silently go back on your word, no matter how much the result will suck for the player character. It's a breach of trust that I personally think is wrong even if none of the players ever find out.
I struggle against the urge to fudge constantly. I don't allow it to seep into any part of my process, because I know that I am not strong enough to resist the slipper slope. It'll go from "I'd rather they encounter gnolls rather than goblins, it makes more sense in this hex" to "I should give these gnolls more HP, this encounter is turning out way too easy".
Be the "mean" GM that lets the random goblin deal the critical finishing blow. If you really want to fudge, ask the players for permission; in my experience they will always say no.
Note: There is a sadly common belief around RPG spaces that the GM is the "leader" of the table and should act as the primary delegate in resolving any social issues at the table. That's bullshit. Assuming we're all adults, we should all act like adults in resolving table issues. I speak from a GM's perspective because that is my usual role, and I'm assuming the usual role of anyone who'd read this, but every player should take part in guaranteeing the success of the game. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, be honest and have some fun.
Alright, I think that got the gremlins out of my system. I'll post something fun next time, I promise...